What is the Ultimate Gag Christmas Gift?

Or the ultimate Christmas Gift that would make you Gag. Here's mine:

1. A singing fish
2. A fruitcake that nobody would eat last Christmas
3. Any Chia pet.
4. A free hunting lesson with Dick Cheney
5. A free driving lesson with Ted Kennedy.
6. An ethics course taught by all the living former governors of Illinois.
7. A book on manners and etiquette written by Ann Coulter.
9. A handkerchief made entirely of dryer lint.
10. A giant salamander.
11. A ton of steer manure to fertilize your garden.
12. A heard of goats.
13. Stock in a subprime lender.
14. The creatures and rotten vegetable matter that Andrew Zimmern refused to eat.
15. Exotic Animal poop.
16. Blow up sheep.

17. Placards/Bumper stickers for the desk/car of the next Governor of the State of Illinois:

A. Thou shalt not steal.

B. Thou shalt not bear false witness.

C. The FBI is listening...at all times.